Trying to get used to Malaysia again

I am now back in Skudai, honestly I've forgotten what it was like to live in this house. It's like I am living in a new place..now I am trying to get comfortable here and I still haven't finished exploring around. This 'Taman Pulai Utama' is such a mess, it's different from the original Taman Pulai Utama I knew a few years ago. It is now dirty, litters are everywhere, lalang also everywhere, not pretty like it used to be. I wonder what to do to make it nice and clean like it was before?

I didn't have enough sleep. I slept at around 3am, and I woke up before 6am, just like a wee nap. I bet I am going to be like a zombie after 12 o'clock.

I thought of eating cereal this morning, but then I remembered there was no fresh milk in the fridge. no more fresh milk for me everyday, not like I used to have. That's a bit disappointing. I haven't had powdered milk for years, so now Id have to learn to drink powdered milk again. So instead of eating cereal, I ate nasi lemak that abg bought. The sambal was so pedas, dah lama tak rasa pedas mcm tu. I loved it!

I was very happy to meet Syafiq at the airport. You know how I missed him so much, and last Wednesday, I got to see him in front of me, and watched him playing with Aisyah and Imran, eating, ordering food, talking, walking, smiling..I loved every single second while he was there. I was so happy I smiled at everyone who walked past me at the airport. Haha I'm so funny eh. I can't wait to see him again. Say all the best for his coming final exams! I wish for his success and may he achieve all the good grades. Amin.

My early days

I love looking over my old small drawings and resources. They bring back memories. I still remember my first day in Mr Coyle's class, it was April 2005, I was in 3rd year. I sat on my seat while watching other people doing their works, the room was full of drawings and paintings on the wall. I was extremely amazed by the quality of their works and I wish I was as good as them. One girl came to me, and she asked me "Can you draw like those?" and I said, "No, I've never done portraiture before" She kinda smirked at me, and I felt very low. But I smiled back at her, I was being very polite to everyone. She was Sonam, we became friends after that altho she smirked when we first met.

I still remember how excited I was when I was given my first task to draw a portrait. It was hard though, because Mr Coyle only said to me, 'draw exactly like in the picture' It was a picture of Stanley Spencer. He didn't give me any guide or tips or anything. He just gave me a picture, a paper, and a pencil and told me to copy it. And I worked really hard to draw it nicely. When I handed in my finished drawing, he looked at it but he didn't say anything, I thought maybe he didn't like it. Then he gave me another picture of Stanley Spencer with colours. I did it in chalk pastels. I didn't even know how to use chalk pastels properly. Mr Coyle didn't teach me anything. So most of the time, I learn everything by myself, or by looking at other people and how they did it. It was hard the first few weeks, but I had a good time and enjoyed doing my works.

I lost most of my drawings from 2005, I only have 2 or 3 left with me. Maybe they were thrown away by the school after summer break. I wish I had them with me, coz they're all memories of my early works before I got serious into arts.

When I met Mr Coyle last Friday, he said to me, 'I wish you were in 3rd year again'

untitled

Someone told me, experience is the best thing. It's the best teacher in your life. I agree with her. Sometimes just by watching other people is enough to teach me something.

This year, I've learned so many things. About improving myself, about friends, about love, about relationship with other people, about family, and about how hard it is to start moving further in life.

I am nearly 19. And when I reach 19, I want to remain 19 and don't want to get any older. 19 sounds really sweet. My mum got engaged with ayah when she was 19. Can you believe that?! I believe she was a matured girl when she was about my age. But me? I think I am nowhere near her.

I talked to some people today, and one of them said to me, 'of course we want the best for our lives, but things dont always go our way, and we have to accept that'. She was right. I am thankful with no matter what I have now.

Only a few days left before I leave for Malaysia. I have things planned in my head..I really can't wait! I'm counting days..tik tok tik tok..

Before I go

Things to do before I go back to Malaysia;

- Buy a rose fragrance (I really really really want this one.)
- Eat donner kebab, samosas, pastries, chips with cheese.
- Buy a new watch. It doesnt have to be expensive. I just would like to have one.
- Get Aero Mint and Doritos for Syafiq.
- Rent a car and go to the highlands (need to discuss for this one)
- Visit Kelvingrove Art Gallery and make sure I tour around the paintings area- complete.
- Send my paintings to Ian Watson.
- Go and see Mr Coyle, Mrs Mack and Mrs Wilson before I go.
- Oh I still haven't finished a portrait commission. aaahh!
- Sell my self-portrait to Mrs Mack. She has been waiting for me to sell it for 1 year!
- Teach ayah how to make any easy cooking dishes, probably telur dadar,or chicken soup. In case if someday he'll need to cook for himself.
- Teach Raihan any harder cooking dishes. She'll need to cook for ayah everyday after I'm gone.
- I wonder if I should get a HPV injection from my doctor?

Wah so many things to do! I only have about 2 weeks left in Glasgow. My ticket has been booked on the 27th Oct. Very soon eh. I am so excited to go back to Malaysia! But I feel kinda sad to leave Glasgow.. I feel like Glasgow is my home as well. I'm not sure whether I'll ever be here again. But when I think that someone is waiting for me in Malaysia, that really makes me happy and excited. It's like a dream. cant wait! :)

Malaysia here I come again!

Leona Lewis

I love Leona Lewis. I remember watching her final performance on the X-Factor back in 2006.





Her final performance- A Moment Like This (I saw her dress in House of Frasers in town just a few days after she won the competition. I was extremely surprised!)

pening. pening. pening.

I am having a very big headache today

1st headache- College. I had just been told that I had been drifting away from my 1st sketchbook topic, and I was told to do new drawings at least 2 pages per day, plus a few developmental drawing pieces.aduhh..

my 2nd headache- I don't think I am strong enough to take over ibu's job at home. I need her..warghhh..It's not that I'm not strong enough, I just dunno what to do to satisfy ayah. Never thought it would be this hard.
and Raihan..she.. selagi tak disuruh, selagi tu dia tak buat. I asked her, 'dont you have any sense of responsibilities in this house?' and she said, 'not really'. adoi pening nye. pening. pening. pening.

I am so glad that I have a blog, at least I can write anything that I'm unhappy of here. Thank YOU!

Now I dunno what to cook for tonight, or whether I have to?

p/s I had just told raihan to make ayam goreng, coz my head is still feeling heavy, plus the very cold weather. I need some rest.

My updates

- My hair has grown long, and I will not cut them, i'll let them grow.
- My legs and hips are getting back to their normal shape like they were before I went back to Malaysia (where I got fat).
- I'm taking over ibu's job at home, I cook for my family everyday, I need to memorise what to buy from the shops- the clothing conditioner, cooking oil, vegetables, chicken meat, milk etc, I need to do the cleaning and laundry. I feel like a mum now.haha.
- I need to do lots and lots of paintings. I'm also thinking about selling all my folio artworks, or do a solo exhibition under Fostering Art so that I can sell my paintings. I need to get my own money. I cant rely on ayah 100% now.
- I miss ibu..I wonder how's she living alone in that house?
- I really miss Syafiq..I'm dying to see him..

It is you I have loved all along

It's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home my heart searched for so long
And it is you I have loved all along

Over and over
I'm filled with emotion
Your love, it rushes through my veins

And I am filled
With the sweetest devotion
As I, I look into your perfect face