Haven't felt this for so long. A turbulence of anger.

I miss Holyrood

It has been 2 years since I left Glasgow but I feel like just like a month ago I spent my time in my room arranging my stuff to make it cozier since winter was approaching, and I still remember how I always looked forward to buy the 70p hot chocolate and 1pound pasta bake from the college's cafe during lunch. I had always wished the canteen helper would get me the pasta with the most cheese on top of it (it was actually the main reason that drove me to go to college everyday!)

And whenever I close my eyes, I can still see clearly Holyrood main entrance with the big cross at the foyer with Jesus on it, I still remember the face of the school janitor- he had a weird blonde hair, blue eyes, red skin, whom I barely see the smile on his face. Then I still can imagine myself walking up the stairs passing the school office and turn left and heading to the Art Department, passing Mrs Millmore's class which used to be my Maths class in 5th year, and that's where I always used to bumped into Mr Coyle who always wear smart, black, fit suit, I still remember his red hands with a silver bracelet. He always greet me and say "Adi! I will be back in 5 minutes" and he did.

And when I enter my art class, the room is quiet. I can see Amina busy doing her folio at the big table, and Magda the Polish girl is sitting quietly at her desk doing her drawing. I walk towards Amina and whenever she sees me she would greet "Oh, Hye Adi!" with a bright smile on her face.

The first time I met Amina was in Mr Chalmers' Geography class, she was new in school and Mr Chalmers gave her a seat next to me. I asked her whats her name, and then she asked mine. Years later she told me "you know, the first time I saw you, I thought you were chinese, haha!". Amina was my classmate since we were in 3rd year until 6th year in Holyrood, then we attended the same college and were in the same class too! I miss her a lot.. I contacted Mr Coyle few days back, and he told me that Amina is married and she is very happy. I am so happy for her :)

Me and Mr Coyle taking picture with my 6th year Advanced Higher Art portfolio before it was sent to the exam board (SQA). And that was a success, it brought me to be listed as one of the 12 top Advanced Higher artists in Scotland, my works came up at the Scottish Qualification Authority (SQA) 'Inspirational Artworks' catalogue, my paintings were exhibited at the Scotland National Art Gallery in Edinburgh, the Scottish Parliament kept one of my paintings to be displayed in their building, and I was awarded as the best art student in Holyrood! Woohoo!
Mr Coyle and Mrs Mack never fail to come to my every exhibitions in Glasgow. They always tell me that they are proud of me.

I miss you, sir. Thank you for all the encouragement and support you gave me all these while.

Me and Amina in college. It was Ramadhan, and we spent our lunch time taking pictures in class :)

Magda, me, and Amina during our 6th year. See how lovely our class is :)

I miss Glasgow, I miss school. I even remember the smell of Holyrood to be honest. I miss the undivided support given by teachers, the encouragement they gave me that leads me to be a brilliant student. It is totally different here in UiTM, I am left all alone with no one giving me encouragement and support, some people even tried to pull me down when they see me performed better, including one or two of the lecturers! Here, people is full of jealousy and hatred. I am all alone to encourage and motivate myself, it was Mr Coyle's and Mrs Mack's words that I kept in my heart and make me stand till today.

OK enough of the memories, and back to the real world. My footwear research has been idled for hours! Time to get back to work.

It's 4am tp aku still awake. Aku bru lps buat toy product utk sbject textile tp tak siap lagi baru half way done. aku tension to the max sbb kerja nya tak menjadi lg walaupun aku dh 3 kali repair. project ni kena submit in a few days and honestly aku tgh kalut ni, ni baru satu, project lain tak sentuh lagi..aaaaarrrghh tensiii.... seriously a great level of patience is highly required at the moment. aku rasa mcm taknak balik shah alam nak stay kat JB sampai habis sem, please?

aku dah ngantuk tahap gaban and dh beberapa kali jari aku tercucuk jarum wktu menjahit td.

Design

My design proposals for textile got rejected by Puan Eliza today. I need to redesign them and see her again tomorrow afternoon.
She rejected my storyboard for the 1st project twice. Storyboard ke tiga baru dia proceed.

Sometimes lecturers are confusing, harini cakap lain, the next time cakap lain.
And some lecturers demand us to design how they want it to be designed, not how we- the designer, want it to be. Do you get what I mean? Basically we design things 'for the lecturer', not how we really want the designs to be. So we can't explore our own creativity, we need to follow the lecturer's 'style' and their own 'ideas'. Isn't this funny?

I had my French quizes yesterday, more French quiz on Friday.
BEL presentation is done! I think I did okay but I am not 100% satisfied. I asked my lecturer and he said that I need more vocab. haha!
I have another presentation on Ethnic Relations tomorrow, and I need to show my textile project progress the day after.
Very busy.
I can't wait till Raya Haji to go back to Muar and then JB. I miss my family and my cats <3